Dipsticks.blog

Sources confirm Esteban Ocon is the latest person to find himself on the chopping block in the ongoing French revolution. Otherwise known as Tuesday afternoon in the Alpine F1 team.

Alpine is currently on its 17,491st shake-up of the year. While details on how the revolution started are a bit murky, it’s generally thought it began with the axing of Cyril Abiteboul, the then-team principal in 2020. While Fernando Alonso and Oscar Piastri fled upon sensing the impending troubles, since then Otmar Sznafnauer, Laurent Rossi, Alain Prost and many, many others weren’t so lucky. And following the team’s decision to dabble in being rubbish for a year, the revolution has gone into overdrive.

“It’s a bit terrifying, they’ve had everyone. Drivers, mechanics, managers, even the bloody tea lady!”-  an extremely nervous mechanic

But alas, the revolution rages on, claiming yet another victim in the form of Esteban Ocon. His first mistake was at the start of the year when he practically shouted “HEY! TOTO! REMEMBER ME!?!?! I EXIST!” and his airheaded move against teammate Pierre Gasly last time out at Monaco looks to have sealed his fate.

When we reached out to the acting team principal Max Robespierre about the decision he told us “We appreciate we’ve not been a very serious team so far this year, and we fully agree it’s time to knuckle down. So we decided to have a restructure and ‘get rid of’ Ocon because that’s clearly where ALL our problems lie.” mind you that might not be Alpine’s official line because he was also sacked 5 minutes later.

The next question is who will replace him, Carlos Sainz? Jack Doohan? Gasly by himself for fewer team collisions? Time will tell although our inkling is this seat will be avoided with a 10 ft pole given the team’s current state.

As the French Revolution rages on, one thing is certain: no one in the Alpine F1 team is safe – at least until someone figures out how to fix the bloody car.